| LAW 1: No
matter how bad your last shot was, the worst is yet to come. This
law does not expire on the 18th hole, since it has the supernatural
tendency to extend over the course of a tournament, a summer and,
eventually, a lifetime. |
| |
| LAW 2: Your best round
of golf will be followed almost immediately by your worst round ever.
The probability of the latter increases with the number of people
you tell about the former. |
| |
| LAW 3: Brand
new golf balls are water-magnetic. Though this cannot be proven in
the lab, it is a known fact that the more expensive the golf ball,
the greater its attraction to water. |
| |
|
LAW 4: Golf
balls never bounce off of trees back into play. If one does, the
tree is breaking a law of the universe and should be cut down.
|
| |
|
LAW 5: No
matter what causes a golfer to muff a shot, all his playing partners
must solemnly chant "You looked up," or invoke the wrath
of the universe.
|
| |
| LAW 6: The
higher a golfer's handicap, the more qualified he deems himself as
an instructor. |
| |
|
LAW 7: Every
par-three hole in the world has a secret desire to humiliate golfers.
The shorter the hole, the greater its desire.
|
| |
|
LAW 8: Topping
a 3-iron is the most painful torture known to man.
|
| |
|
LAW 9: Palm
trees eat golf balls.
|
| |
|
LAW 10: Sand
is alive. If it isn't, how do you explain the way it works against
you?
|
| |
| LAW 11: Golf
carts always run out of juice at the farthest point from the clubhouse. |
| |
| LAW 12: A
golfer hitting into your group will always be bigger than anyone in
your group. Likewise, a group you accidentally hit into will consist
of a football player, a professional wrestler, a convicted murderer
and a tax agent -- or some similar combination. |
| |
|
LAW 13: All
3-woods are demon-possessed.
|
| |
| LAW 14: Golf
balls from the same "sleeve" tend to follow one another,
particularly out of bounds or into the water (see Law three) |
| |
|
LAW 15: A
severe slice is a thing of awesome power and beauty.
|
|
|
|
LAW 16: "Nice
lag" can usually be translated to "lousy putt." Similarly,
"tough break" can usually be translated "way to miss
an easy one, sucker."
|
| |
|
LAW 17: The
person you would most hate to lose to will always be the one who
beats you.
|
| |
|
LAW 18: The
last three holes of a round will automatically adjust your score
to what it really should be.
|
| |
|
LAW 19: Golf
should be given up at least twice per month.
|
| |
| LAW 20: All vows taken
on a golf course shall be valid only until the sunset of the same
day. |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |
| |